Posts Tagged ‘Chief’
Tony Alva: Chief Crazy And T.a.-an Excerpt From The Great Pumpkin Letters
Tony Alva: Chief Crazy and T.A.-An Excerpt from The Fantastic Pumpkin Letters
Chief Crazy Captain Christo is inane insane. He must be crazy by writing the one and only, the greatest skateboarder in the world, Tony Alva. You see Chief Crazy Captain Christo has got one chance in HELL to arrange the finest skateboarders alive for a semi generous get together in Omaha for a POW WOW of sorts. So since he already has written letters to influential people in his life, the Excellent Chief must now try to get a hold of Terrible Ass Tony Alva. So as usual, he disguises himself as the O-Range Blob of Light and slyly shines an Orange light situated above a darkened pool where Tony is involved for the umpteenth time. Here is the exchange in its entirety. Tony Alva’s name has been changed to B.A.T.A. ( Terrible Ass Tony Alva!)
B.A.T.A.-” Awwriight who is bright the O-Range light. It’s perfect. Now I can see!”
O-Range Blob of Light-” Hey Bata Bata Bata Swing”
B.A.T.A-” What? ( Rob Zombie’s song is thumpin in the social class!) Who said that?
O-Range Blob of Light- ” It is I, B.A.T.A. ,I am Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I have come to see you in your element and I see you are doing awesome as usual. Hey look, since I am talking to you and it is extremely ninja and nimble of me to be doing so, I thought you want to be a part of something huge. I am plotting a very generous get together and I need your help. Could you assemble around a hundred of your bestest buds for a small skate jam in Omaha. Perhaps you know of some people who could build a very generous ramp in the affect of say Noah’s Ark. Just like a half pipe but only larger if you know what I mean.
B.A.T.A. – ” What the F*** are you talkin about man? I don’t have time for this Noah’s Ark in the affect of a halp pipe. I don’t need no stinking animals messing up the ramp.”
O-Range Blob of Light-” There will be no animals hurt in the making of this ramp. No animals will be allowed to enter except skateboarders who like to go CRAZY. And of course Gwen Stefani and her crew.”
B.A.T.A-” What? ( Again, Rob Zombie’s song is still thumpin in the social class!) You mean we have to share the ramp with girls? No way man!”
O-Range Blob of Light-” You see, that’s what I don’t know. Gwen Stefani will be rockin the ramp like you have no thought!!! Let me give reasons for it a different way. Do you watch the Super Bowl every year? ( B.A.T.A. nods his head and rolls his eyes) Well so does about ¾ of the frickin planet. In 2011, the Super Bowl will be played in Dallas Texas. I need to start involved my act now so when the time comes I’ll be ready.”
B.A.T.A. -” But you are just an O-Range Blob of Light. No one can see you. What could you maybe do that would impress anyone?”
O-Range Blob of Light-” What? ( Rob Zombie’s song still thumpin…) Ok last chance B.A.T.A. Here is the pitch. There is a small girl who needs our help. She is crying in the darkness and I hear her weep. It is up to all of us to save this small girl. We can do our part by putting on the greatest show the world has never seen. I will be doing my part by orchestrating the wildest comeback of all time. Trust me, you will want to be a part of this. Just show up in July of 2010 or I will meet you wherever to discuss this stuff in person. But before I go I want to leave you with a prayer. It is called Dear Saint Anthony.
It is for four actual Tony’s , they are:
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Tony Alva
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Tony Hawk
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Tony Robbins
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Tony Iommi
Dear Saint Anthony,
Please come down someone is lost and cannot be found
Well Saint Anthony I know where to look
It is inside of an unwritten book
The Book of Pumpkins written by me
MMMBOP, taste it you’ll see
After the O-Range Blob of Light left B.A.T.A. A better skateboarder emerged
and B.A.T.A. Called up his ol bud Jay Z-Flex Adams and declared
” Hey Jay C’mon back bro. Rock and Roll never forgets!!!!”
Stay tuned for more excerpts from The Fantastic Pumpkin letters!
P.S. ( that’s Pumpkin Script) If you don’t like poems or prayers, would you prefer O-Range Skull Splitting Lightning strikes?
Eddy “The Chief” Clearwater
Eddy “The Chief” Clearwater
Choice-winning Bluesman Eddie “The Chief” Clearwater has traveled the world and has made a mark in the Blues industry, but he’s performing for his hometown audiences in a few weeks.
Read more on ABC 7 Chicago